Freedom Within Limits

Freedom Within Limits

One of the common misconceptions about Montessori education is that we allow the children to do whatever they please, all the time. It is true that we let our students make choices for themselves, from their work choices to caring for their own bodies.

However, those choices are made within carefully crafted parameters. To give a child (or any human) choice is to empower them. To give them choice within clear boundaries will assist them in becoming the adult they are meant to be.

Why Give Choice?

Decision making is not an innate skill – it must be learned, which is why we provide a safe environment in which to exercise this muscle. Giving choice is also a means of showing respect. We want to convey that adults will not always have all of the answers and that we respect the child’s agency in the matter.

When we provide an environment where children can make their own choices, we are telling them that we trust their decisions and honor their autonomy. If children know that the adults in their lives trust them, they will begin to trust themselves. When a person has confidence in their own abilities, their energy can be put into new ideas and making progress.

Why place limitations?

While we believe it’s important to give children choices, too many choices can feel overwhelming and be counterproductive. Placing some limitations keeps their decision-making process safe and manageable. Children feel safer with clearly defined limits; boundaries provide a sense of structure that is critical for their development.

Think about the last time you went to a typical grocery store. Just narrowing down which cereal you want can require a lot of mental energy. While many options can sometimes feel good, you can also have too much of a good thing.

Another benefit of limiting choices is that we can create a scenario in which the desired outcome will be achieved no matter what the child ends up choosing. Consider your true objective, then present the different avenues they can explore to achieve that goal.

What does this look like in the classroom?

When it comes to academic work, Montessori children get to make choices about which work they will focus on, where, with whom, and in what order they do things. They move about their mornings with a sense of purpose because they can feel their education is self-directed. In a structure like this, school doesn’t feel so much like a place where you go to simply receive knowledge; it’s a place where you go to explore, be curious, and immerse yourself in work that feels important to you.

Even when it comes to taking care of their own bodies, we want children to be in charge. For instance, most Montessori classrooms have a snack table where children can sit when they feel ready for a snack (limiting this to two chairs is one way we make it manageable). Children don’t need to ask permission to use the restroom; we make sure they have access to a toilet that they can use at any time. We arrange furniture in a way that provides them options for individual seating, group seating, floor seating, or moving their bodies.

What might this look like in the home?

It might help to observe in your child’s classroom to get ideas. If you are just getting started with offering choice at home, it helps to focus on just a few areas in the beginning. Food, clothing, and entertainment are good places to start.

While we do not advocate making separate meals for everyone in your home (which can quickly lead to picky eating habits), kids can certainly have a say in dinner options – they love to give input! Find areas in which you are willing to be flexible and ask their opinion. Perhaps they can choose the fruits or vegetables at the grocery store or help decide what gets packed into their lunchboxes. If you have several dinners planned for the week, your child could help decide which one to have on a particular night and then help you prepare it. When it’s time to eat, let your child practice serving themselves and others, while reminding them about the importance of not wasting food and only taking as much as we expect to eat.

Getting dressed is another great time for them to practice decision making. This tends to be one area that requires the most release of control from us as parents, since some children tend to have eccentric personal style! 

Keeping weather and activities in mind, set the guidelines and let your child pick out their outfit. We recommend displaying only the appropriate options in the closet or drawer where your child chooses from. In other words, store party clothes, costumes, or dress-up clothes out of sight and separately from school clothes.

However, if this is not feasible in your home, even young children can follow simple directions such as, “Please choose something with short sleeves,” or “Today you will need long pants.”

Expect style combinations you may not have chosen yourself and remember that this is an important step in development and self-expression.